I was frustrated and wanted to be alone.
It was Sunday morning and we were getting ready for church. Not only was I getting myself dressed and ready with little time to spare, I also needed to get my three kids ready as well.
I just wanted to look nice and my husband was still laying down and struggling to get up after working really late last night.
When I asked him the night before to help in the morning he reassured me of his help. He finally got up and out of bed with fifteen minutes left to get dressed and go.
With no assistance I managed to put the kids in the car, then sat in the front seat waiting for him.
I then gazed into the rearview mirror and tears suddenly began rolling down my face.
When my husband came out, I told him to leave without me and I went back inside wanting to be left alone.
I just could not pull myself together to go — I felt so hurt, unheard, and unseen.
They drove off to church and I closed the door and went right to our room and sat on the floor and cried at Jesus’ feet. I told Jesus how I was feeling and why I was so frustrated and angry.
Confusion also started to creep in because then I started feeling angry about being hard on myself about making a big deal out of this.
But I really felt unloved.
Deep down I wanted my husband to make the situation better. To turn around and make me feel better and apologize for not living up to what he said he was going to do.
Marriage can be tough.
A marriage cannot work with just two people. You need God in the middle. Our go between. Your partner will sometimes let you down, so a big key to a God centered marriage is to learn to fall on God instead of your spouse.
Perhaps you have seen at weddings the symbolic act of tying three cords together representing how three is better than one.
Two of the cords represent you and your spouse and one represents God in the middle.
“A person standing alone can be attacked and defeated, but two can stand back-to-back and conquer. Three are even better, for a triple-braided cord is not easily broken.”
I am sure you have heard of the Christian marriage triangle.
God at the top and you and your spouse at each of the other corners.
As you each move up the triangle and closer to the Lord, you both in turn will grow closer together.
Such a simple picture, but profoundly challenging.
The picture is true, but perhaps both parties do not fully realize that when the vows are said there is actually a third party at the altar with them, acting as the true seal of their covenant that keeps them bound together.
It is the constant acknowledgement in the day to day, the keeping the eyes on Jesus that keeps the marriage going.
Marriages often fail because the third party is hardly consulted from either party individually or both as the trials of life confront us.
A God centered marriage is not created overnight.
It takes time, hard work, and intentionality.
Allowing God to be the center of every conversation and acknowledging how much you need Him to make your marriage work is one of the best decisions you can do for your marriage.
Learn to fall on God, and your marriage will fall into place.
In the end, my husband in fact did turn around and did not go to church that morning. He too felt the heaviness of the situation and did not have it in him to go to church knowing how I felt.
When he came home, he walked into our room and saw me still on the floor teary-eyed. He apologized and we had a good constructive conversation and talked things out.
The beauty of falling on God.