There was a season our marriage was hard. It never got into a bad place, but there was a lot of tension and stress.
It was the first year our twins were born.
I remember the days and nights all tangled together. On top of that, I was trying to breastfeed them and had many troubles.
With every last bit of energy in keeping those tiny babies alive, we had almost nothing left for each other.
There was a thread of thought left with me for a long time: why is it that we tried so hard to have those babies, and when we finally got them, we have no joy in our household?
To be fair, my hubby was a huge help during that chapter of our lives. He still is a doer, a worrier and caretaker.
On the contrary, I am more of a free spirit, everything-will-work-out-eventually kind of soul.
So when those two types of personalities undergo the heavy grinding of life, tensions arise, sometimes sparks fly.
But we went through it, with no indelible scratches in our hearts, but with a more profound understanding and deepened love for each other.
I am convinced, you don’t really know someone unless you go through some tough trials with them.
Then you will see the deeper layers of each other– the good, the bad, the ugly, and the holy part of us.
I learned to appreciate a man like my husband from a 4 D angle: he was not just the sweet, tender, southern gentleman when we were in the honeymoon stages of our marriage, but also a disciplined doer with high standards for himself.
And my husband learned to accept me more as the sometimes slacking, absent-minded girl who is trying her best to do good for her family. To put it plainly: he kept his high standards but lowered some non-essential standards for me.
Girls, it doesn’t matter what chapter of your marriage you are in. You will have trials- -big and small.
Our God wants successes in our marriages, but the enemies will constantly attack them because marriages are the gatekeepers for the fabric of our society.
Keep vigilant eyes and an open heart. Communication is the key– it takes two to tangle, sometimes we need to confront, sometimes we need to give in.
Know your priorities–God made husband and wife one flesh. It doesn’t matter how much we love our children, our children shouldn’t be on the pedestals in our marriages.
And please if you haven’t, learn the five love languages. God designed each one of us with unique temperament and likes. For example, if your love language is gift, don’t assume your husband love to receive gifts also, mine doesn’t. On the contrary, my husband will get upset if he thinks I spent too much on him. A back scratch, a listening ear, some intimate time will score much more love points than any gift I can give to him.
🙏May we all strive in our marriages in the current season and forevermore!