Today was a really beautiful day. Like most days, there was a lot of good tinged with a little bit of sad.
Playing in the blowup pool in the backyard with my kids, making them water balloons and enjoying their laughter and carefree childhood. It reminded me a moment of my own childhood. My mom Kathy would make me water balloons and always put a teeny tiny little “water balloon” at the top and it was always my favorite. You know what I mean, a teeny tiny little bubble of water at the top where are you tie it off?
Thinking of her always is bittersweet and I started to get sad. Sad because our relationship is really difficult. And she’s in a really hard place in life. And I don’t know if I will ever have the mom I need and desire.
This is where ‘capturing our thoughts’ comes into play. I can’t let the hard realities of my life tear me down and cause good days to turn into bad days. Why? Because then all good days could be bad.
We all have painful parts of our life. Maybe they’re present, maybe they’re past. Maybe in comparison to others they don’t seem all that bad. But the truth is we all have our own hardships and stories.
The moral of THIS story I suppose is to choose joy. Continually. There’s always a reason to be sad and feel upset. But there’s always many reasons to choose joy and to be glad and grateful.
So I will continue fighting. Daily, hourly. Fighting for joy amongst the hard. Choosing to relish the good moments and be grateful for all that I do have instead of dwelling on all that could be. Thank you Lord for this beautiful, hard life.
I love you, mom. And I am praying for you.
P.S. I purposely chose a filter that accentuated my vitiligo and freckles. Usually I try to hide them. I don’t know why. They’re a part of me and I can embrace that. ❤️